I think it is interesting that you think "an inside track" might be harmful. It makes me wonder about therapists who have therapy - do you think they can't be helped because they know too much?

I guess I think that there is no magic to therapy that you can discover and short circuit by knowing about it. The point of therapy is to help you with your life - so anything that helps you - like PC - should be allowed, shouldn't it? I do see that you can take some of the intensity out of your feelings when you air things here first...but everything you do with your T is YOUR therapy! So if you find you are trying out things with him, than that is what you need to be doing - for perhaps reasons yet unknown. If you are looking for a specific response, manipulating, to use your word, then perhaps you either need to be allowed to do this or you need him to call you on your behavior eventually. What is it about other folk's T's that intrigue you? Or that you think you might not be getting? What is it about certain exchanges or topics that you want to avoid - or bring up? What PC brings up for you is important - so bring it up during your sessions.

No matter what, you are the one spending the time and money on your sessions. So force yourself to be honest, even about this worry, and see where the conversation takes you. Effective therapy is as much the clients responsibility as the therapists -- you must put your thoughts on the table. I don't believe knowing theraputic tricks, techniques, philosophies, etc. help you avoid your own stuff when you are honest. In fact, you might just get to it faster.

Therapy isn't magic - it is damn hard work. No short cuts through the pain, but a guide if you allow it.

I say, take what you wrote to your next session. It seems important.