I was born into a Catholic universe and started Sunday school when I was six years old. By eight years old, my incessant questioning got the nuns to request that my parents keep me home. They did, but it didn't stop the questions.

I had just turned twelve years old and school had let out for the summer when I picked up the Bible and, starting on page one, began reading. Reading quickly and benefited by the fact that I had no friends or social life, I finished the last page two and a half months later. Then I started again. This time I read it with a notebook handy, jotting down questions and cross referencing what I found to be contradictory information.

At thirteen years old, I took to my bike and every week I went to a different church until I had exhausted all forty-one churches listed in our phone book. Most Sundays would find me, after the sermon or liturgy, questioning the pastor, minister, etc., with notebook in hand. Not a few of those ended in me being yelled at.

Still confused, I then headed for the city library and plunged head-first into the religion section only to discover, much to my surprise, that there were other religions besides Christianity and Judaism. A year later, I had exhausted all the books in our library. So, I think I get where you are coming from...

Twenty-seven was a red letter year for me. I became co-conscious with an alter and the whole 'divided consciousness' conversation became very germane for me.

I don't particularly care to put myself in a box spiritually, but when I am forced to check one of those boxes on a form, I check 'Buddhist', which is more accurate than not, although I have blended much of my Native American spirituality into the mix along with a smattering of Taoism and Huna. I mention that because the idea of 'suffering' and our relationship with suffering is a pretty big foundational core of Buddhism. You probably knew that... Anyway, yeah, I can't really disagree with the idea that suffering is a self-suggestion and life being an illusory misconception of a false reality, though I would have phrased it differently.

Not sure that there has ever been a better definiton of 'karma' floated. Most Westerners tend to think of karma as some kind of Eastern divine consequences but the word karma actually means 'cause and effect'.

My teachers would tell me (regarding the old realities), "Let them go." Easier said than done, but possible.

Interesting choice of words you used here. The Buddhist path is called the Eightfold path and is comprised of things like, "Right thought" and "Right speech"...eight 'right' directions.

I've been getting strange looks talking about these "far out there things" since I was a child and bet you have too. You are having decidedly Eastern thoughts and trying to discuss them with a Western audience - it is no surprise that you are getting strange looks. Take your questions and thoughts to a Buddhist monastery or temple and I'll bet that you will have a remarkably different experience - a lot of understanding nods and smiles as you describe beginning steps on a path that everyone you talk to has already walked.

Lest there be any doubts, I'm certainly not trying to convert you... Buddhism isn't like that, and I definitely am not - nor would any within the monastery or temple. It's just nice sometimes to get some validation instead of 'are you crazy' looks.

Yeah, I am familiar with this cycle.

Disconnected from both self and others...

I think you've done a good job of explaining yourself, but just like here - it is easier to describe the realities of having a dissociative disorder to someone who has a dissociative disorder than it is to describe it to someone who doesn't. It's why we are here on this forum.