I'm booking an early appointment to see my pdoc.

Mostly because of the suicidal thoughts when I stop smoking cigarettes.

For a whole 6 days after taking that ecstasy (I fell asleep because of the anti anxiety effect), I now know that it is possible for me to feel emotions at least to a normal extent.

SSRI's won't be able to do that even though some people call them legal ecstasy because they increase serotonin in the brain. They actually make anhedonia much worse..

Mood stabilizers do the same. Benzos seem to help a little bit considering that some of my anhedonia is caused by some anxiety.

Maybe that's why I need to go back on an SSRI because the anti anxiety effect that they have will make anhedonia less generally, outweighing the overall blunting effect that they have.