I was with the love of my life for 8 years and was engaged, and he was always nurturing. The irony is that HE had his first episode, but became so cold and even went as far as saying he stopped loving me. The change was so opposite of who he is, but when I've had episodes while with him, I never ever felt I didn't love him. Of course, there were times I was irritable and at times maybe took it out on him a little bit though. After we broke up when he pushed me away after his 2 psych hospitalizations, we had time apart. He went down a bad path, and I was suffering from the shock of my world getting turned upside down.

We did get back together and everything seemed great, but then he hurt me again in a different way. He begged me to stay, but I couldn't. I had been hurt way too much. Although I've been on dates, my heart is still hurt. I feel closed off in a protective way. Plus, my episodes have been making me isolate. I need to get myself together first, before I feel I can be in a real relationship. I do want to find someone that I can share my world with, when I am ready. Someone else hurt me badly after this break up, so that further shattered my trust. Hopefully I'll find the person I am meant to be with, if it's out there. Seeing is believing. I don't feel worthy though, as much as I try to believe the opposite.