All of my therapists and counsellors have been middle aged females because that's what I always requested. I've always felt more comfortable around older women (probably because I have such a good relationship with my mother) so I thought that they'd be the best people for me to open up to but I was wrong. I suppose I was looking for an older woman who had a similar personality to my mother, and was disappointed when they fell short. Expecting people to live up to ideals is futile

My mother is one of those people who always seems to know what to say and do to make others feel better, and I always feel happier when I'm in her company. Qualities like that are innate and can't be manufactured. The therapists I saw were either too maternal, which would always come across as patronising, or quite dismissive and pushy, which would make me retreat into myself even more. Even though I'm a female, I find it hard to express my feelings, and other women don't understand that, which makes communicating with them challenging.

If I ever have therapy again, I think I'd request a man for a change because even though I've always been intimidated by men, I feel like I need to stop sticking to the same things and people, and try to find the courage to explore other options.