Thank you, i think that helped.

First of all, no, I haven't asked my parents if i could see a counselor because they're the main reason for my problems. Also because the online friend i mentioned is the only person who knows anything related to my mental health, and it's kind of hard for me to mention this to anyone in real life. Mental health problems aren't as well known or commonly treated in my country (or so I feel) and I don't really let real-life friends know about my family problems. I think that's why she felt so important to me, idk.

And I'm not really angry at her, just having a hard time coping without her. I'll take your advice and try to live more in the real world, thank you for helping.