Thank you. I'm still not right. I have serious paranoia going on after being up a while. I was talking to Mom and realized it then when I kept thinking "she's going to have you arrested for driving that way" over and over even though I know she has no idea about it and I'm not telling her.
I'm still thinking nobody wants or needs me, and it does feel that way. Loneliness physically hurts. I'm too much of a mess to ever be worth having anyway. That's part of why I only have sex with that one woman at the gym and didn't exchange names until after the sixth time. I wish I didn't know, because it's the same name as an ex-friend that I thought I wanted to be with, but was just terribly infatuated with a terrible narcissist the whole time. I guess I was looking to belittle myself again to please another. As I did in marriage. I'm so tired still.
I'm not working out yet, back to sleep