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Oct 15, 2017, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m kind of in the same boat. My husband died a little over two years ago. At the beginning of the summer I had a casual fling with a man and That made me realize I was ready to start dating again. But now I have this huge secret that I have to carry around. I have no idea when to reveal. Do you do it in the beginning, so they can run off before you get attached? Do you wait, to show them you’re pretty much normal (I’ve been stable for awhile)? I don’t know. I can’t even wear short sleeves in front of a date because of the self injury scars.

Right now I’m talking to someone. I’ve been on three dates with him. He has revealed that he has seasonal affective disorder, bad enough that he takes an antidepressant throughout the winter. He’s suffering from depression right now. So maaaaaaaybe he will be understanding when I reveal bipolar. But maybe not. I’m not going to bother until I know where this is going, but if we end up agreeing to exclusivity, I’m gonna have to tell him.

Anyway good luck with the dating scene. It’s tough no matter what!

For me, "when to tell" depends on the seriousness of the relationship.

I haven't gone on a date since my diagnosis 2 yrs ago, but if it were the other way around (i.e., my partner is the one with bipolar, not me), I would probably want to know by the end of the 2nd or 3rd date if the relationship is pretty serious. But if the relationship is casual or semi-serious, then it's not a huge deal if we wait a few more dates.

My ex-boyfriend waited until the 6th date to tell me that

Possible trigger:

his entire family was in a car accident when he was six years old and that he watched 3 of his 4 siblings die in front of his eyes, along with his mother. He, his remaining brother, and his dad were the only ones who survived. And his dad was in the hospital for 3 months following the accident. He had to stay with an abusive aunt while his dad recovered.

So he basically hinted at some PTSD because he talked about how cars freaked him out.

I knew it was a hard thing to talk about, so I wasn't upset that he withheld it. THat's why I think there's a little leeway with sharing bipolar diagnoses. I think people can be really understanding about those things... and you know you've found a gem if the person is willing and able to understand you.

Everyone is different, though. Just sharing my preferences because everyone is different.