Oh man, I don't even know where to start, my head is in such a pickle! I am in a relationship, we have been together for two years. By my own admittance, I can be VERY jealous, I get bad mood swings where I am extremely angry and upset. Topped off by the fact that I have never trusted anyone in my life. Yes, I am a handful.
Its hard to explain, but I always try and leave my relationship, even though I don't want too. I spit venom and run off and say I want out, but he always manages to talk me down and stay. Which deep down is what I want. I want to be with him! I don't know why I act like that! I have bad anxiety too.

You may ask has he done anything to make me distrust him, I would say small things. Things which other girlfriends would probably let slide. He has lots of girls on his social media that's comment things which winds me up. He has said he would delete his profile but then I feel guilty and say don't do that.
Something in my gut always tells me that the relationship is wrong and I should get out, it's bad bad bad. What is that about? I'm always being told by friends to listen to gut instinct. But I think it's me and my insecurities? The.fact that he hasn't walked away is mind blowing! He says he wants to marry me but I can't until I get a hold of what's going on.
I look back and I destroyed an incredible relationship when I was younger because I was so jealous. I always felt he was doing me wrong. When I look back, he was the most gentle, affectionate loving man ever, who would never of betrayed me and literally would of done anything for me. What is wrong with me?
Am I repeating history? Is it me and my insecurities? If so, how do I get a grip on it!????