Shazerac,
im already on meds... but my pdoc says i should take 6 "pills", while my T says i should quit, so im keeping between 1-2 "pills". it worked quite well until now.... i feel maybe i should increase my meds again but i dont want to.

and im not at the point of being an alcoholic.... i maybe was in the past, i talked to docs and was doing well (no alcohol) until about a month ago when i started craving alcohol again.............

things are getting worse since i tapered my meds, but thats what i wanted!!!!! sometimes i feel i enjoy feeling bad, getting lost i my head.... it makes me feel a bit more alive. like this thought of killing someone.....

as for moving out.... yes, i suppose forms are part of being an adult. ewww.

i just dont want to hurt my mom telling her i want to move out.... not until it will be a real possibility for me. its useless to make her mad/worried/hurt before its time.

LittleEarthquake, then at least your bf makes you feel good/real?
nothing works for me