I think that when people on this forum respond to their T not being responsive, that it may start out as a disappointment, but it triggers the abandonment/rejection fears, and thus triggering shame. The shame is an add-on for people with these fears, and shame is involved with the sense of self. Xynesthenia's post was intellegent and helped me figure out a few things, and I do think that with my disorder that it is the shame that brings up the feeling that the rejection is not toward an act one does, but toward who one is. How we change that hurt, and change the perception that it is about who we are, no what we do, remains to be determined.