From what you have written, it seems like you and I are very different. But I know my angry (child) self very well and, yes, angry, entitled and at the same time "I don't need anyone!" are attitudes that I can recognize from that "place" or state in me. I don't feel embarrassed about it anymore -- not sure why. I suspect that I would have been shamed for it when I was in that state when I was a child, so a shame reaction linked to feeling that way is understandable. But at the same time I delighted in my "feeling" of power. No, maybe not much real power in that state but it felt like there was. And if the real power to make you feel better lies in the T, not you, I can understand why you might feel resentful.

I don't know if things work that way for you or not, but whatever it is, I do not think you need to feel embarrassed for a feeling -- or even an impulse. They just are what they are.

The shame feeling is probably the culprit, as we have heard a lot about in recent years. Not that shame isn't a useful emotion, in some circumstances, but I think a lot of us got a lot of it dumped on us as a child-control method by people who had had it used on them and didn't know any better. Very sad, as you said.

Unfortunately, you probably aren't going to know who "you" are until you ARE you, which just means one step in front of the other until you're there. Fortunately it sounds like you have a good T to help and stand by you, even as frustrating as it is for you. I definitely understand about the labyrinth, too.

Hope things get better soon!