Becky,

I have dealt with anger issues before. They seem to be a lot better, but I don't think I've completely "recovered," yet. I agree with the others that this could be a "protection" mechanism, in which you are trying to protect yourself from the risks that come with getting "too close," but it's not really protecting you, is it? It's hurting you and him. I think the advice to walk away when you're getting mad, to cool down, is a good one. Tell your husband you plan to do this and that when you do it, it isn't to punish him by walking away from him- you're doing it because you care about him and your relationship and know when you are in that mind state, you can't have a worthwhile discussion with him, and will say or do something regretable. And that you can talk things out when you've calmed down. I also agree with the suggestion that you should tell him that you aren't doing this because of him- you're doing it because you have personal issues or problems, and it isn't anything personal against him. BUT I would also acknowledge that you understand that it does affect him, and you're sorry. I also would advise you to tell him you'll work to change, and I would advise you to get help. These things are hard to deal with on your own and they can destroy your relationship.

I've been there. I have hurt myself with my anger, and everyone around me. I also believe I have possibly caused the end of a very important relationship before with this type of behavior. I have also damaged my image of myself, and this will take some work to heal. If you don't get help now, you may very well be regretting waiting later. I'm not judging- I'm saying this as someone who has dealt with similar issues, because I am hoping it will help you and save you and your husband some pain. Good luck.