I am retired from working as a nurse.

If you see other people looking up to this supervisor and getting a positive reaction, then ask yourself: What are they doing differently from what you do? I promise you that there is a difference.

Here's a theory I have on you sticking with the behavior you've been sticking with: You feel you want and very much need moral support and positive regard from this supervisor. So you get close to her and wait for the positive reaction. I believe you figure: "I might as well go after what I want. Then, if it is denied to me, I haven't really lost anything. Since I wasn't going to get it anyway." This is where, I think, you are making an error in how you figure this. You may think that this person was going to be distant to you, no matter how you acted, so you think your behavior didn't lose you anything. Like I said, you're thinking is making perfect sense to you.

I want to tell you that you are losing a lot with this behavior . . . more than you realize. Keeping these bad habits because they are what feels natural to you is going to give you a much poorer quality of life. You've ruined what could have been a decent relationship with this supervisor, though maybe not exactly what you wanted. Your thinking that you don't want to settle for less than what you want is going to make your life a lot poorer. Sometimes, in life, we accept half-a-loaf of bread because that's better than no loaf. (It's an old saying.) Right now, you are being given second and third chances because you are young. Responsible people hope that you will outgrow some of this behavior. But you never will, if you don't ever start. You get older everyday. When you're older, people will say, "She's just never going to grow up. Time to cut her lose."

Maybe your Asperger's gets you some special support that you figure will always be there. Like no one will ever expect you to learn fully mature behavior because you have a developmental deficit. That's a wrong calculation. You will end up frozen out of some nice opportunities because people will say "She's too low functioning." (or he . . . I don't know your gender.) Then it will be too late to do the work of growing up that you need to start now.