here i am again
confused
trying to understand this feeling as anger
not really connecting with it
but feeling really bloody disgusted

having such an existence possible makes me sick
makes me despise life
having divisions in my mind that i cant connect
that dont seem to relate or even communicate
or when communication does exist does not so in a fashionable way
in so that all that exists is an argument of which side is right, which side is wrong

im spinning, spinning more
falling outside of this damned wheel of confusion
what am i feeling? what really are emotions?
what is a thought? because im not in control of it
i try, i try to claim this life and have fought hard for it
try to steer in a direction i view as pleasurable and healthy
but its a battle that i cant seem to get a grip on

and im tired, im so bloody tired

here i am feeling so misconstrued, internally, externally

feeling rage, a calm rage, where i am so angry, but i am not angry at all...
i am divided and coexisting with conflicting emotions

i dont want to do this any more, why do i have to wake up and experience this
what is the purpose

i really dont want to be here any more... dont want to feel like this any more...