Because things do get better. My T told me the goal is not to aim for happiness. The goal is being content. When I stopped judging my life in terms of happiness, I realized there were some good things. And looking back where I came from, I have improved. I've also been trying to not look too much at the future, but trying to be in the present. I try to find things I'm grateful for each day. Some days, I might only be grateful for things like food, or a bed to sleep on (which for me is huge because I was homeless at one point).

But things have gotten better. One thing is my T. Our relationship isn't perfect, and like you, I don't feel I deserve her. But she has helped me so much. And she might be one of the first people in my life who hasn't abused me and/or abandon me. She just might actually stay.