Well hi!

I read your post, and I can't help but feel like you're on the cusp of something. Adulthood, obviously, but maybe something bigger than that.

You said you've always felt like you're different. Maybe that's not a bad thing at all. An author I really like presented the idea that in many cultures there are soothsayers, shaman, healers and the sort. People with special sensitivities and capacities. We don't really question the possibility of that in tribal culture. What if you're one of those people. What if I am. What if we've just never known how to harness and interpret that kind of energy? What if we say we are depressed and call ourselves introverts, but there's something else going on? And this internal struggle is that awareness just being birthed into our reality? And who's to say that's not true?

There's a lot of power and freedom in deciding that there are some things we just don't know.

You're obviously a very deep thinker. You seem to have a really deep desire to understand how life works. All that deep thinking can be the way into the depression hole, but it can also be the way out of it.

You've been questioning everything it seems like, society, your family, your future, your worth. Maybe turn that questioning on something else. Maybe start questioning the things that hurt you. Start questioning the concepts and the beliefs and the thoughts that are bringing you this suffering.

You said half of you knows you're ok. Give your energy to that half. Set yourself on a quest to understand how you're ok, and understand the beautiful, fulfilling purpose of this world. Start studying. Learn how happiness works. Learn how joy works. Learn the inner functions of respect and wonder and hope. Start investigating it. Have fun with it. Your mind is an incredible gifted servant, but a terrible master. Learn how to harness it.

You're still very young, only 22. When I was that age, it was hard for me to even grasp the expanse of what I didn't know I didn't know yet. One decade later, the my inner world is a completely different place. The sunrise on the drive to work this morning was so incredible and moving that I felt any struggle I've ever endured must have been worth it to be on that car on that hill in that moment.

From one introspective deep thinker to another, it's worth it.
I would do anything I can to help you.