I am grieving my marriage of 19 years, which I've only recently started to get over the anger of. But, I honestly don't trust myself to be able to fall in love or trust another like that. It's like I'd be setting myself up to get knocked down again, which was almost every day I was near her for years. I have such deep pain over the marriage. I've been trying to cover it up with sex but that's not doing it and never did. I'm ready to tackle it to the ground, the pain, but I don't see how I can with my abilities. I'm weak and in no shape to think of how.