I found a college student looking to make some quick cash. Once a week she would come to our house to do cleaning put away kids laundry and tidy up the areas guests would see. She would spend maybe 2 hours and we paid her $50.
She became a good friend, and would even help run errands. (We paid her for extra work)
It took my husband a bit to realize that this gave him extra time to read, meditate, or just do something that made him happy because the burden was on him.
Once my meds were stabilized and routines started we slowly got into the habit of just doing these things ourselves.
She actually did help us both much more than we expected.

To comment on the original question- I have shown up to friends and family homes looking and smelling gross, and that's the times they knew to reach out to my providers and let them know I'm 'off'. I don't try to live up to expectations, because the people who support my mental illness don't want me to put on a happy face a get through a visit, they want to know how I am, see me, feel my energy, and step in if needed.
I do the same for my mom.
When she sounds low or down on the phone, I tell her. She asks for that feedback so she can tell her pdoc.
But, let's be honest, if I showed up to a kids event a mess, I know some of the other moms will judge.
And that's the stigma we all can relate to here. It's unfortunate.