Yes, i guess im not open with her because all my energies are used to keep my secrets and hide them from her.

i really dont want to be open with her. it never led to anything positive. it would just hurt her and me.

as for therapy.... im SO against having her with me. it is MY space, i NEED it! my mom already has "controlled" everything of my life, i NEED something - a space - that is mine and only mine.
we tried it in the past and i hated every second of those sessions. my T asked if she could talk with my mom last session and i said NO! i dont want them to talk!

this is my NEED.

her needs..... i know im selfish and im hurting her. i feel so guilty, but how can i let her invade my personal space? let her twist things around, make it all about her and make me feel a mean selfish monster? i dont want to feel like that.... i prefer hurting her by omission/lack of connection than by letting her see me.