I'm having a major paranoid meltdown. I was in the math office just pulling out my laptop when the math department coach (who I've been working with one on one to learn math) asks to talk to my co-teacher (who doesn't like me). I hear him in the outer office. as soon as he walks into the inner office and sees me, he makes this FACE like he's pissed that I'm there and goes to whisper to her about god only knows what. I couldn't hear, because obviously he didn't want me to hear, because OBVIOusLY it was about me! I bet he's asking if I've improved at all which she will say no, I haven't, because I haven't.

I feel so ****ing awful right now, so useless at this job and so anxiety ridden and I just don't know what to do. I'm so tired of feeling like a failure and that's all teaching does for me. But I go back and forth, which is why I can't make a damn decision. because some days I'm fine, and others i'm a paranoid, anxious mess like today. I can't figure out if it's BP or if it's my career or wtf is going on.

I just want to feel like I'm good at something.