After about 6-7 years, I’m without a therapist and I’m so scared. My last 3 T’s were no help. My other therapist was decent but he left the clinic. We left the clinic. I keep getting stuck with newbies which doesn’t help me. T3 seemed like she could have helped but she’s only allowed to see medicare patients and only 1x a month. She was the one pushing IOP. This last T said we go over the same thing every session. Well stop only telling me to be mindful obviously it’s not working for me.

I lack insight as does my husband with how (un)well I am. My first real team told us we’re so use to us being unwell and dealing that we can’t see it even if it’s apparent to them. That we suck at being each others T and pdocs that we have to let them do their jobs. These T’s don’t seem to know how help. I know I’m hard to talk to unless I’m (hypo) manic, I trip on my words, and am almost silent. It doesn’t help that I think they’re just looking for a reason to put me IP to drug me up and to declare me unfit to be a mom. Which I know it’s untrue but that’s what I think.

I see pdoc at the end of the week and have to tell him I ghosted my therapist and will not be going back. I’m worried they’ll be mad like I did something wrong. Hell it is me, 3 T’s can’t be horrible, it’s me not them. I’m not sure I can keep myself safe for months at a time. Hell day by day it’s touch and go for me a lot of times. I only attend co-op because I’m scared to be alone as my head will run away with me. I really don’t want another T. I’m just done trying and failing to find a T that fits me. I don’t know what I need pdoc will probably just up my meds. Any suggestions on how to make it without a T?

On a positive note I've taken my meds daily for 6 months without missing a day.