You have been taken hostage and your husband and I could be twins:

He knows he is wrong and yet he is oblivious to the irreparable harm he is doing to you and to your (his and your) children. My first wife could ultimately take no more and divorced me, then several years later my second wife and I eventually re-married after I had finally accepted the harsh truth about myself as a monster and had begun a no-compromise course of action aimed at transformation.

I do understand how charming your monster-husband can be, but even a charming monster is still a monster and I suggest you get yourself and your children out of there as quickly as possible and then have someone let him know you will not be returning until he has begun learning to treat you and the children as human beings rather than as mere toys and possessions and has willingly become openly accountable to your pastor or someone you know and trust who knows how to discern and distinguish the actions of a charming monster from those of a righteous husband and father.