Hello Azoth: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! We here on PC cannot diagnose you. Our purpose is to provide one another with support & to share information & experiences. To get to the bottom of what it is that's going on with you, you'll need to see a therapist or psychiatrist if that's a possibility for you. Still, participating here on PC, reading & replying to other members' posts, & continuing to post your own may go a long way toward helping you to figure yourself out. Good luck!