I just made an appointment to go in Friday to see my PCP. I'm going to say I would like to try a stimulant in the morning.

My biggest worry is that me complaining of being depressed might be seen as a reason to stop ordering Vicodin for me. Another concern is that it seems to be a policy that they don't like to see me on more than one controlled substance. In years past, I was on all kinds if meds. Just about nothing helped for depression. Ritalin didn't do me much good back then either, but I think it did wake me up. That alone would be a big help right now. I have an awful time with morning fatigue.

Even just to be able to tell someone that I'm getting in worsening shape mentally. Even if there is nothing they can order that will help. Just for someone to acknowledge that I'm very depressed.

I tell myself that this will eventually turn around. It always has. I know depression is chronically recurring for me. That's not going to change. But I'm barely functioning right now.

I have utterly no one to talk to about how miserable I feel. My sig. other never has had any understanding, nor any interest. Now, with him having some dementia, it seems beyond him to try and grasp that I feel awful.

I don't have a history of med-seeking from doctors. A year ago, I went to the psych center complaining of awful restlessness at night. That turned out to be from severe anemia due to internal bleeding.

I wish I could fall asleep right now. Sleep is my only escape.

I'm barely keeping up with caring for my S.O. I'm not caring for myself right. I barely manage to brush my teeth once a day. I want someone to see that I'm suffering and just losing this struggle right now.