Hello Gracem: I'm sorry you are experiencing so much difficulty. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! There's not going to be much of anything I can offer with regard to this unfortunately. Perhaps others will have some insights to offer. From my perspective, I really think this is all something you need to be discussing with whatever mental health professionals you have in your life... hopefully a mental health therapist & a psychiatrist.

I see you live in the U.K. And I have the impression, from reading posts here on PC, that accessing quality mental health care in the U.K. can be a challenge. Personally, I think the important thing right now is to try not to let all of this get to you & increase your anxiety level even more than it already is. And see if you can get some professional help sorting all of this out. Oh... & also keep posting here on PC, as well as reading & replying to other members' posts. That can help too. My best wishes to you...