I think our "breakdowns", "failures", or "episodes" seem worse to us than to anyone else. Our children certainly don't see us in the same light as we do ourselves. To them we're just mamá or papá. Checking out would hurt them far more than anything else. In fact, a child who has lost a parent to suicide is much more likely to also choose that path later in life.

I understand what you're feeling, though. I'm sorry you're going through this under the conditions you face. Please post here as much as you need. You know that we are happy to provide whatever support we can and would wrap you in our arms in real life if we were there with you.