Weight is my main issue now. It has an impact on my self confidence, social life, and being the person I want to be. I want to shed these pounds but have been wanting to do it for a long time. I know what I have to do, I have planned it I just can’t get myself started.

Recently I have been depressed over past two weeks cause I was having trouble getting this weight loss drug contrave. I finally got it and started it today (or yesterday Tuesday). I said to myself this will be my jump start and I will get to start this long journey. I’m now reflecting and brought to near tears in all the stuff I missed out on, the lack of photos, my isolation cause I was ashamed to show my bigger self outside my doors. Hell it sometimes affected my going to the gym or mma school (which I both love and miss considerably).

I’m now writing this with a possible sciatica problem that erupted last last week. I have to lose the weight. I know I have to. I want to. I need to.
But this is like the streets autobiography poem. I keep falling in the same hole, but it is still difficult to get out of and I keep taking the same damm street.

What do I need? Do I need a stronger push? A health scare? I have the want, but I can’t start the do. Someone help.