I went to the psych center - to the crisis area. I got seen by a nurse and two pdocs. They said I could be put on a waiting list to see a pdoc in about a month or two. I feel like a fool for even going there.

I have to be utterly desperate to go there. Over the past four days I've been increasingly desperate. So, finally, I decided to go.

This place is part of the healthcare system where I get my healthcare. One of the docs there told me they are a safety net facility. (It's publicly owned.) He seemed to be saying that people should first try to get help elsewhere.

It's a teaching facility. First the resident saw me. He said that maybe my PCP should increase my thyroid medication. Then the older, attending pdoc saw me. He seemed to wonder what I was doing there and told me to be sure and see my PCP.

The whole reason I did make an appointment with my PCP was to ask to be referred to a pdoc at this psych facility. Tomorrow I'll cancel that appointment with my PCP, since I went directly to the psych facility this evening and they didn't seem to think I merited much attention.

This particular psych center has a reputation for sending people out the door who turn around and shoot themselves. It is being sued by families of suicide victims who they failed to take seriously.

I'm not very melodramatic, so I didn't strike them as having any kind of emergency. It was so hard to even work up the gumption to go over to this place. It was all for nothing.

So I came home and called a crisis hotline. The crisis hotline first referred me to a homeless day shelter that provides psych services to the homeless. It's not where I would send anyone who wasn't on the street. Next they referred me to the place I already went to this evening. So I just got sent in a circle.

I feel very hurt and angry and frustrated. I'm not an attention seeker. It was only after days of being in bad shape that I reluctantly went and asked for help. I feel like a complete fool for going there.

I live on my SSDI, so I don't have the money to plunk down for a private psychiatrist. Maybe tomorrow I should go to that homeless place. Maybe they could refer me to some other agency. I know of other places, but they're for people with substance abuse problems. It's hard to get psych care when you're low-income and don't have an alcohol or drug problem.