For a long time, I've been trying to take better care of myself but it has come from a place of trying to be perfect, thinking it'd make me a decent person and would look good on the outside. When I've failed, I've berated myself for being lazy, pathetic, useless because I just don't have enough willpower to get things done.

I've realized it's not about that, but about being depressed! I decided to start 'deconstructing' this depression, and the latest realization I've had is that I need to start caring about myself before I can care for myself. And you know what, I already do. I DO care about myself. I've just been blind to it because I'd internalized how my mom felt about herself - no love there whatsoever.

But I DO love myself. I've turned my whole life upside down trying to do right by myself. I've prioritized the work needed for connecting with my truest self and made sacrificies most people wouldn't even dream of making. All because I believed so strongly that I deserved to live, not just exist. And I was determined to retrieve the self that got left behind growing up in an unsupportive and harmful environment.

I just have to keep at it by choosing people into my life who support the real me - and even there, I'm already doing it I'm on the right track!