I had a rough therapy session yesterday because we got into my relationship with my wife. To say it is strained is putting it mildly. She has pretty much shut me out for years. Cordial most of the time with half second kisses good bye and that's it. Separate rooms, no physical or emotional intimacy.

Anyway, I broke down a couple of times but my t said that there are two sides and I really need to have the conversation I have been avoiding; maybe there is some hope. So last night I talked to my wife about it. She said it is because for over 20 years she put up with me being up or down and never knowing which I would be. She said she took the brunt of that and that I did not consider the toll it took on others. I reminded her that we had discussed depression several times and I did apologize for how I made her feel. She said there were a few times but "Sorry isn't good enough. I can't be intimate with someone who treated me that way."

She knew I was diagnosed as bipolar at the time it happened over 20 years ago. She knew I had trouble accepting that and had the depression treated and pretty much ignored the hypomania for years and never tried to get me to handle it any other way. She said she understands that I don't control my mood swings and my problems with alcohol were pretty tightly coupled with depression.

What I don't get is why she chose to freeze me out and stay in the marriage instead of splitting up if she can't handle my MI.

The really odd thing is after that heart to heart, she went right back to business as usual; being cordial and nothing more. She doesn't seem to see the conversation as any kind of turning point in our relationship.