Well my fate seems to have been decided for me. I have hit the maximum number of renewals for my certificate. It will expire July 1, 2018. I have to have my graduate program done by then, and I won't. I still have two years left.

Five years ago I was not symptomatic. Five years ago I did not believe I had bipolar. Five years ago I figured I'd be done with school in two years and it wouldn't be a problem. Then bipolar stole that from me. I was unable to even enroll in classes because I was so ****ed up. Then when I did enroll in fall 2014, I missed passing the class by 7/10 of a point because I was hospitalized twice during the class and therefore couldn't participate in discussions (professor didn't care at all). had to drop the other class. I re-enrolled in summer 2015, but then my husband died. Dropped the classes i was in again. Got a new job, re-enrolled in fall 2016. Finally stable. Then went hypomanic and impulsively dropped my courses to join the master's program instead. I might have been done by now had I not done that.

So now because of my ****** life choices I am facing losing my career. I can't teach general education. I cannot handle something like that. I don't really know what to do.

I have to call the state and just find out what happens - like, can I simply never become a special education teacher in the state of new jersey because I took too long to get through school? Is there any way I can plead my case, as it was due to a disability that I couldn't make it through school? I don't know.

Is it even worth it? Do I even want to do this anymore, really? This might be a gift. But i just don't know how to even go about finding another career that pays as well as being a teacher does (and being a teacher doesn't pay all that well, but I make it on my salary). The only thing I can think of doing is being an administrative assistant but I'll only make like 10-12$ an hour and that's not enough for me to live on and take care of my son on.

I wish this damn depression would **** off so I could actually concentrate enough to think about all these things.