Hi Sarah

I'm Brittany, but Sarah is my middle name, so that's interesting.

I don't have any children, so I can't pretend to know what that's like. I just wanted to send some support your way. Your situation sounds very difficult.

Having a kid seems also to be a pretty permanent situation, so it seems to me that your avenues to feel better are going to have go straight through your situation rather than around it.

Have you looked into any support groups for parents of similar children? Online or in person?

So here is an idea, and take from this what you will. Even if you cannot change your situation, you still can change your thoughts about your situation. Your statements about your child and yourself, it is your perception. It isn't truth.

And those mental statements that you make to yourself like, "I am completely alone" "I don't know who I am" that is where your suffering is born. And you don't have to just accept and believe everything your mind comes up with, especially the negative things that make you feel lost and alone and uncaring. You can stop suffering by learning to question those thoughts.

It took awhile to set in for me. It takes practice to be able to identify the difference between imagination and reality. Imagination is anything that comes out of your mind. Reality is what you can see or hear or touch right now. It took months of practice but my mind started doing the process automatically. My negative thoughts get dismantled as soon as they come up. It's how I walked away from depression. It really does work.

There's a lady who goes around teaching a method of this questioning that she calls Inquiry. The method is based on the concepts of cognitive behavioral therapy. But it's just a few simple questions you answer and then all you have to do is think. It's super easy.

This is a good example of how the process works. but she has a lot of Youtube video walking people through all kinds of hurtful thoughts.