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Sometimes psychotic · Oct 18, 2017, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I have a rare calm delusion because it has insight in where I don't know if it's real or not. But I know that my psychologist/psych nurse and the woman filling in for him that gave me the injection this morning both hate me because I did drugs.

I feel like a failure in my life and identity and that I can't be helped.

Possible trigger:

I told the psych nurse that gave me the needle about my suicidal and homicidal thoughts that I can't control sometimes. I feel like I'm judged a lot because she said I talked about killing my family but I'm not a monster. She asked why I didn't tell my actual psychologist/psych nurse and I said that I was afraid that he would send me back the hospital and when I get out, I wouldn't be allowed to stay in the same house as my family

I just felt that way when I was taking a strong stimulant at the end of my injection.

Possible trigger:

I thought an outside force or God was telling me to kill my cat and my mom or my sister by controlling my thoughts and movements. It said to take my meds which I believed would stop my heart or I'd have to kill so I took half of my meds then walked up stairs took the knife from the kitchen, put it up to my neck, put it knife down then went to wake up my mom and told her I was in psychosis and need the injection

I asked my dad on text that I took the med because I thought I was him in his past life and he did it so he asked me how much I took and I said 5mg but how would he know about medications? That fuelled the whole thing.

It's the most horrifying experience ever.

thats really scary....

Possible trigger:

when I was in psychosis I thought I was supposed to kill someone too because he was really the devil or something, like I would be saving the world......whatever your motivations are the delusions play on them. I once slept with my chefs knife on the night stand because of feeling monitored and that people were breaking in to put something in my head to cause the voices (like a transmitter in my tooth). This is why I stay on my meds forever what if I did something after getting confused due to psychosis....I had to make a promise to myself I would never take anything into my own hands ever again and would rely on the police and military instead.