I held myself back mainly. I had insurance at the time but I just didn't want to believe anything was wrong with me. I was in a very deep depression and (trigger) it took about 10 suicide attempts over a 6 month period for me to finally tell my mom what was going on. (trigger) I was admitted the next day to IP and stayed there for 2 weeks total, that's the only time I've been IP. I usually hide the truth so that I won't go back IP because I'm terrified of going. I've had a total of 4 manic episodes and countless depressive episodes.