Four years ago, I called my brother because I was awfully depressed. He let me know that didn't interest him in the slightest. I had bailed him out of jail, attended his court appearances and sent books and clothing to him in prison.

Around that time, I got called and uninvited into a job training program for persons with disability that I had been recruited into. After orienting me to the program, they phoned to say I seemed too emotionally weak. Right after that phone call, I got another phone call from one of my sisters. She told me that I just overly dwell on my disappointents.

It wasn't enough that those two weren't very humane. They each had to stick the knife in and give it a twist, as they were pushing me away. Well, time goes by and hurts receed into the dimness of fading memory. I rarely approach anyone IRL looking for support. I mostly depend on myself and try to be self-reliant. Last night, the nurse at the psych center asked if I had family support. When they see me sitting there unaccompanied, it should give them a clue to how alone I am.

I guess my expectations going to that psych facility last night were unrealistic. So maybe It's a lesson I can learn from.

I canceled my appointment tomorrow to see my PCP about this change in my state of mind. I'm running around looking for an encouraging response. I don't know that I'm strong enough to keep being shown coldness and just not let it touch my soul. Somehow I have to be enough for myself. That's what I am telling myself right now.