trying to deal with it, doing pretty good i guess all things considering...
it just really sucks

i have been trying to talk to girls on a dating site again reaching out thinking that just maybe there will be someone crazy enough to talk to me long enough to see that i do have a really nice personality that can be loved actually quite a bit... im not bad looking either which i know even though i don't think im stunning or anything like that, but its not my looks that turns them away probably...

but i don't know, i have been single for ever

i had one girl respond to me and the first thing she asked was what i do for a living and i just dont know how to respond to that because of everything that im going through and working on so i just told her the truth which just really makes me feel bad because i feel so incompetent and pathetic..

she probably wont reply further which is ok but im just tired of being alone and going through this alone and wish that i had some one to lean on a little for inside support and understanding that would give me love and help me heal in that way and just seems like it cant happen because of all the damage i have accumulated over the years and that maybe its a cycle i wont ever be able to break or ever to be able to heal from which will mean i will always be alone and broken which i really cant stand the thought of because i have felt alone my whole life, really... i've never had a friend i could talk to or lean on... never learned how to do that with anyone...

but oh well... its just a rant over my hurting self esteem

im capable of so much... yet unable to achieve it due to my symptoms...
just need to find the time to be in the right place at the right time with the right person, right job opportunity, schooling, its all just been so ****ed up... tired of being a prisoner