Hello everyone.

I didn't really know where to go or who to talk about this to. This has been heavily weighing on my mind and needed to get it out. I hope someone can give some advice or help me talk this out without negativity.

I am in a same sex relationship with a girl that I have been seeing for about a year. We were friends for about 8 months before I asked her out. Everything is great with her for the most part, but there is something particular that has been bothering me.

When she was in her early 20s (we are mid 20s now) she was raped by a guy that she went to college with. The first time it happened she was at his dorm room and needed to take a shower. She said he came into the shower with her and sat down beside her and was erect. He proceeded to move her on to his lap. She stood up and was leaving the shower. As she exited the shower he grabbed her and penetrated her. She said she was telling him to stop, but he finished and she left.

Later that night she invited him over to her dorm because she was afraid of being alone (her roommate was gone that night) she said she went to sleep in her bed and he was on the couch. He comes in her room, gets on top of her and begins to penetrate her (again she is saying stop) this time he doesn't ejaculate and says 'look what you made me do' im assuming he was trying to play the victim and say she was asking to be raped. He then got angry and left and she never heard from him again.

This is where I am going to come across as a real jack *****... but please try to understand. It took her awhile to tell me everything that had happened. She finally told me who did it and said he was on her Facebook (for one, why is he on your Facebook if he raped you?) anyways, I told her that he must of deleted himself because he wasn't. I felt this rage go over me when I finally found his page. I wanted to inflict the same amount of pain on him.

The more I thought about him, I would get angrier. Then I started to rethink everything she told me. I had so many questions but i would NEVER ask her because its disrespectful and it would seem like I didn't believe her, but honestly I feel sometimes that she wanted it to happen.
I KNOW IT SOUNDS HORRIBLE. I can't believe I am even typing that but with me I over analyze every little detail and I can't help but wonder....

....why did she want him to come back over there that SAME NIGHT? I don't understand this. Did she sub consciously want to be violated?

Sometimes during sexual intercourse she wants to play the role of being raped. She likes to be choked and things of that nature. Sometimes she will say if I say 'No,stop' don't stop. In my mind I feel if someone was to be raped that would be triggering and would never want that ever again.

The guy that raped her was really tall and super stick skinny, and had certain facial features. The guy she dated for 3 years afterwards also had the EXACT same look. Again... why would you date someone that looked significantly like your attacker? I honestly get mad about it sometimes... like why in the f would want that?!

I hope someone can talk to me about this, and please know I mean no disrespect to rape victims. I'm just confused on a few things with her and trying to wrap my head around it.

Thank you