As a teen I didnt want help, I was perfectly happy ruining my life as long as it was fun or I was numb. Then I didn't want to believe anything was really wrong with me for a lot of years so I would go to the dr when I was depressed and just say I was tired and they would do bloodwork and say I was fine. Plus I kept getting "through" the depressions on my own. Finally someone told me I was being selfish not getting help so I got help for my kids not really for myself, I was afraid of becoming a zombie as well. I have been a lot of things since starting to try meds but definitely not a zombie lol