Welcome to PC!

And oh my goodness. Are you me? So much of your post I could have written myself. I have been seeing my t for 6 years next month and I am very attached to her. I struggle with the attachment on a regular basis. I talk about ending therapy on a regular basis also here on PC - I have been feeling like I need to for awhile now. (It doesn't help either of course that my husband also has been wanting me to end for a good year or more and so far I've dug my heels in with him and kept going because she's helped me immensely.) I'm going to be taking a break soon, of undetermined length, because I want to see how I do without her for awhile.

My session 2 weeks ago really did a number on my head/heart - it was very light, felt like we were friends sitting there chatting over coffee but minus the coffee... I sorta get why she let it be that way, I was sooooo incredibly hyper after a busy-busy day at work that we weren't going to get any work done anyway. But still. I had to do a lot of talking to myself to get over that one. Today's session was back to normal - and I feel settled again about the relationship being what it is, that we are not and cannot be friends. What helps me the most in being ok with that is that, if/when we ever do terminate, she's said her door would always be open if I want/need to come back and I want that option - if we were to become friends, she could not be my t again. And I really, really value her as a t, even with the rough patches we've gone through (maybe because we've always managed to work through them).

This, of course, until the next time my attachment gets the better of me.

Anyway I tell her quite often that this relationship is convoluted. I love her, I hate her, I want to be her friend, I wish she'd been my mother, you name it I have felt it at one time or another.

Convoluted, I say!!!

(((bostonlady)))