First of all, you said you feel guilty. please don't feel guilty or like you did something to make the situation worse. Because that is going to make you feel far worse, and probably is part of why you are having such bad anxiety/panic. The thing is, the police decided what was appropriate based on what happened between you too. If he got multiple charges and a no contact order, whatever he did probably warranted it. The cops charged him, not you. You likely called them to protect yourself and beyond that, like you said, it was out of your hands. You shouldn't feel guilty when what happened, from the polices POV, appears to be serious. Guilt aside, the sadness, anger, etc isn't going to go away right away. You have to sort through these emotions and understand them, decide your next steps.