I've been diagnosed as BPII for the second time after having a major episode over the past year. I didn't really believe my diagnosis the first time 8 years ago and was self-medicating a lot back then with beer and weed.

I generally have my s#it together, etc, now. But in the spring I got really depressed because of the new state of affairs in the US and also because my spouse wants to explore non-monogamy, which I think threatens my sense of stability that I so desperately need.

Over the past 8 years, I have cleaned up and cultivated an intense amount of stability in my life with a super fulfilling job, buying a house, eating super healthy food, etc. But these things in the spring made me really dip into an intense depression, which then turned into a bit of a manic spell whereby I bought a car that I shouldn't have and then got deeply depressed. I went back on Lamictal after being off for about 6 years and am really trying to re-stabilize. My partner still wants to "explore" non-monogamy and I don't know what to do, I don't really want it. I don't care about sex with strangers, I did that so much in my 20s. I'd rather just focus on my career.

Another thing I would love to talk about with someone is "clang association." I didn't know about this until I read something recently, but since I have gone on Lamictal I have stopped repeating nonsense all day long, my head is so much less cluttered with nonsense it's incredible. I used to just say words and rhyme nonsense all day long over and over and wonder why I couldn't stop, and now i have stopped. I am so happy they are gone!