I can relate to a lot of the things that you describe. Looking back over my life, I can tell that I spent a whole lot of time doing things to try to make me feel better. But no matter where I went or what I did, I was still dragging the same sad mind around.

Here's what I think. You've been dealing with this for a really really long time, and you've been trying very hard to resolve it by examining your life and changing things in your environment. But those changes don't provide lasting results because depression isn't a result of your life or your environment. Depression is a result of the belief system that you experience your life according to.

Think of it like this. You have this lens that you hold up in front of you all the time. Everyone does, whether they are depressed or not.

And you look at the world through that lens. The lens is distorted by your thoughts about the world. When you look at your job and you have the thought that your job is unfulfilling, and you make the unconscious decision to accept that as true, it's like you write "unfulfilling" with a marker on that lens.

You're always looking out of that same lens your entire life, so when you turn your head to see another area of your life or look at another job when another job comes along, you still have "unfulfilling" written on your lens. You have to look through the concept of "unfulfilling" at everything else in your world. The world is distorted by the concept of being unfulfilled, because you have to look at the world through your beliefs, and you believe in unfulfillment.

And now that you believe in unfulfillment, you can recognize opportunities for it more easily in your life. So when a potentially unfulfilling situation comes along, you grab your marker and write it again. You give up the chance to see that situation in a different way.

When you're suffering from depression, your mind spits out all kinds of negative nasty thoughts and not so many bright happy ones. If you unconsciously just believe all of those thoughts, you will always write them on your lens. And your life will seem terrible because it's reflecting the state of your negative thoughts. And you will feel terrible, because you'll believe you are living in a terrible life.

The really brilliant really simple answer to the whole problem, is to stop unconsciously just believing all of the things your mind spits out. Stop writing new hurtful ugly things on your lens.

And then start purposely writing new bright kind happy fulfilling things on your lens. So far you have just been letting your mind push you around and tell you what kind of life you get. But you don't have to. Start purposely writing new things that you want out of life on your lens.

And then you can start erasing the nasty stuff from your lens. And you can get a clearer view of what the world really is like. You can start seeing a clearer picture of what's actually happening again, rather than seeing what's happening through the lens of depression.

There can be medical issues that cause your mind to spit out an inordinate number of nasty thoughts, that's definitely possible I think. And medicine helps some people slow that down so they can cope better. But nothing can ever ever force you to believe any of the thoughts your mind spits out.

Once you realize it's optional and you get in the habit of deciding whether or not you're going to choose to believe an ugly thought, it just becomes automatic. It doesn't even take any effort anymore, and it's kind of empowering and fun. And once your mind realizes you aren't going to let it win anymore, it starts cooperating. (Scientists call it neuroplasticity.) You become the boss instead of being bossed by your mind, which is fabulous because your mind is an incredible powerful fun tool for getting what you want, and an awesome toy for having fun with once you harness it.