I think the contact you have set out above is very reasonable. Totally agree with you that you can't just cram feelings back into a Pandora's box, once that box is open.

I think I am more "demanding" in the sense that I ask for more contact with my T. During a few crisis times we've had phone calls every day (just about 5 mins each time). During difficult times but not crisis, quite a few texts in a week. Average times maybe one text in a week or one every two weeks (that's with meeting now once every two weeks as well). Have had some times with no contact for 2 weeks.

I really think I get the hurt and frustration you are talking about - the things we allow T to hear/see/know are so enormous and so huge in our lives, but then for T it's a 50 minute slot, part of their job, one of many... I am really struggling with this at the moment.

I go between struggling, feeling very emotional, sometimes self destructive for all these reasons, and being able to see the huge progress I've made in my life, all the things that are so much better than before, and the fact that I do often (but not right now) experience the feeling of calm and stability that goes with the secure attachment.

The awful feelings are so awful aren't they? For me when I'm in them it's hard to remember that I ever felt differently. I get so frustrated and I think that my T must be bored/frustrated with me too, because he is just hearing the same old same old from me. But T says he finds it easier to "zoom out" and see the overall progress. Kind of like a looping pattern that is going down and up but the overall trend is upwards.