But I was always angrier with my mum. I wasn't actually angry with my father at all because of his circumstances.
I sit here shaking my head, because my father would be trying to get a blue card to prove he was disabled one minute then he lo and behold made a miraculous recovery and got a job as a full time welder! Unbelievable. His problems were all in his head. I wouldn't have continued to speak to him but the men at his work encouraged me to keep contact. Even though when I went to see him he would sleep in his chair and make me make his Horlicks and coffee. But when I took a boyfriend round he would talk till the cows came home and call ME lazy. So I had to cut him out of my life.
My mum put my step-dad and brother before me. My father even though he didn't have much gave me pocket money every week. And he was so laid back compared to my step-dad who was a step beyond authoritarian. My brother has to take pills for his mental health too but I will make a mental note not to tell anyone when I do commence work after study.
But my mum would say boy's need more. She always wanted to be one of the boys. She couldn't bear the thought of me doing well. My brother got dinner money to last most of the week but I had to resort to walking home and missing out on time with my friends. I didn't want to ask for more because they would say things like I would grow up and thank them profusely for everything they gave me - food and shelter and they would make me feel like I had to be eternally grateful to them for buying me one pair of trainers to last me a whole year. So of course I was angry with my mum for the way she acted. She proceeded to poison me against my Gran and grandad as I got to about 14. I used to go to theirs for tea and a bit of peace from all the drama. But my mum would say things like my brother did 18 holes every night that week at the golf course where as I was a bone idle p$£ce of s£$t like my father.
I did studying and sport too and I DID help around the house. When I was 15 I got a job. It didn't matter what I did, it was never enough for my family. Everything came down to money at the end of the day.