I am so tired of feeling like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. I want to clean my apartment and study for my classes, so I can finally finish university (it has been 15 years) but I can't focus, can't get anything done at home. I get overwhelmed and then watch tv or play games to try to put me in a better mood but I never end up doing anything I need to do. I have a knee injury that is getting worse because I never exercise, I'm stuck on strong anti-inflammatory medicine.
I keep fighting with my boyfriend, telling him I need his help to get stuff done, I know it is a lot to ask but he has a disability and I help him with things that are not "my" job. But he has trouble getting things done too, he won't even just suggest I try to read a little. Reading out loud to another person helps me focus but when he has a day off work he just wants to go out and have fun, not suggest I do some reading/studying first.

I am working part time and my boss is very happy with my work, and wants me to leave school and work full time. I want to finish school so much, but it seems impossible and like I am getting all this pressure to give up or just a lack of support to keep going. I am waiting to see if I can get funding from school for an ADD coach, but last time I used one it only helped a little. I honestly just hate myself right now. I seem to be able to do what other people want, it creates structure and motivation to know my boss expects something of me and is watching to make sure I do it, but it's too hard to do anything for myself. Being in class actually makes me very happy, I love learning, and this week I was so depressed that I stayed up all night crying, slept all day and missed my classes and then went to work in the evening.