The only way that it's even possible for me to coparent with my ex husband and that we can even be amicable now, years later, is by virtue of the no contact for over a year, only removed in family probate. During which time, not only was I continuing to work on myself with a therapist and psychiatrist(anxiety/depression-trouble sleeping too), and his going regularly to his probation officer, significant court fees, anger management combined into regular visits with his own therapist. Attempts with family counselors with the kids, and he evolved into a better circle of friends that uplifted him.
There's no sugar coating when I say it takes a lot.
Oh let me add, the heart arrhythmia that landed him in the ER with my getting a phone call from the 'friends' he was living with that called me, asking what I planned to do about my own darn children. He no longer lives with them and has minimal contact with them now. They sent him alone to perhaps die alone. The court order was off by that point due to a complex custody type of case where I considered moving to better affordability and hope for a better financial future for myself but it involved crossing state lines. I took the kids to hospital to be by his bedside. He passed out, was heart related.

The action of distancing from him gave both of us time to 'cool off'.

It's not a fairy tale ending. Took serious work and it's life altering. He nearly broke my arm and nearly dragged me out of the window of my car. Wasn't the first time he has layed hands on me.

The charges were suspended based upon meeting court requirements. With the understanding if ever again it's not probation he'll receive.

Some relationships are too toxic to reside under the same roof.
Maybe divorced living isn't ideal for children but a dysfunctional homelife can be more damaging than a divorce.