So I'm currently in therapy for my emotional responses to certain situations and I've been seeing this therapist for a few months now and there's a question that we still haven't cracked the answer to. We discovered that the thing that is impacting my mental health the most is a cognitive behavioural pattern I have where I harbour guilt & shame extremely easily. Thoughts enter into my head that tear me down and basically shame me and I have a full body response whether that be intense crying or a panic attack. My therapist brought up the fact that I have two choices; to either have that negative response system or to counteract negative feedback with optimistic perspective. However, I don't do the the second option because I find it immensely difficult. She brought up that this means I'm benefiting from the negative response system in some way; that I have a reward system in place for the harbouring of immense shame and crying profusely. Basically, I'm trying to figure out what the benefit is and why I keep doing it. I know that there's past dysfunctional family circumstances that influenced the thought pattern, however, I'm trying to figure out what I'm benefiting from it as an adult. If anyone has any ideas for what they think it could be, that would be greatly appreciated. I've returned home twice this week bursting out into tears because of my program at university and begin to self deprecate and contemplate on my loneliness and sob...I can't figure out why I do it and why I can't get myself out of it.