I do appreciate the comment about not telling me not to worry, because I have had a huge amount of people say 'you'll be fine' 'stay positive' 'at least they got it in time', etc., and none of this is a comfort to me. No I'm not fine. What is there to be positive about. No they didn't get it in time, the cells have travelled and this could come back.

I've tried finding comfort online and it's done nothing but make me more anxious. I'm terrified, I had a lot of things I wanted to do and don't know if I'll live long enough to do it. I tried so hard to shake off my depression and get myself on my feet, I just bought a house and a lot of the enthusiasm I lost in things was coming back and didn't even get 7 weeks out of it before all this started. I feel like what was the point in trying, everything is going to continue to **** up for me like it has my entire life. I'm going to spend the rest of my life- however long it may be- with this as a constant shadow over me.