woah...... I am really sorry for the difficulties you have been going through, but if you are going to go into graphic descriptions of someone's gender dysphoria and a transgender person's anatomy, please put a trigger warning, or just moderate your language. if you are looking for help and support in this forum, it is difficult to provide that right now for me, personally - it's too difficult to read past the first paragraph of this previous post. there are people who are trans on this forum, who have gender dysphoria, and who have experienced abuse (mental,emotional,sexual... all kinds) because of this.